Ever since I can remember, I loved summertime. Perhaps it was because I was born in July? Maybe because back when we were kids it meant no school?
Summer used to be a time for partying, fun, the beach, and all things glorious… then I got older and things have, regrettably, changed.
The only thing summer means to me now is that I have to cut the grass, which is a jungle, in 100 degree, humid ass weather. I live in Maryland and it’s rained almost every fucking day for the past 2 months.
Another thing to look forward to? Mosquitoes. They are laughing their little fucking asses off every day at me, pleased by the feast I provide for them.
Summer has just become a humid, itchy nightmare now that I’m a surly old fat fuck.
I love the fall, it’s cool, crisp, and best of all? All the little bastard kids are back in school and no longer enjoying their freedom; which causes me mild annoyance.
Then there’s the people who get pissed off at you because you say that you don’t like the summertime anymore. These bastards are the worse.
First you try to convert me to whatever bullshit religion you’re trying to sell and get pissed off when I say I’m a godless heathen, now you’re pissed that I don’t like the summer?
Well, guess what? Satan took over while God was fucking your mom and made summer a miserable pile of shit.