I Don’t Like the Summertime Anymore

Ever since I can remember, I loved summertime. Perhaps it was because I was born in July? Maybe because back when we were kids it meant no school? Summer used to be a time for partying, fun, the beach, and all things glorious... then I got older and things have, regrettably, changed. The only thing … Continue reading I Don’t Like the Summertime Anymore

My Tiny Penis is Bigger Than Trump’s

A Comedy by Maggie Street Magazine If you ever get a chance to look at my penis, you'll feel sorry for me, right after you're finished laughing your ass off. It's okay, I'm used to it. Girls body shame me and laugh at my tiny penis all the time. They high-five each other in the … Continue reading My Tiny Penis is Bigger Than Trump’s

What I Learned from the Teenager I Locked in My Basement

Conventional wisdom typically conjures the notion that psychopathic middle-aged perverts lack the ability to learn new things, especially from younger generations. Before descending into madness I became a crotchety old man at the ripe age of 38. I found myself uttering things like "these damn kids these days", "we didn't do that shit when we … Continue reading What I Learned from the Teenager I Locked in My Basement