Hi kids! Are you looking for a safer alternative to being killed by a barrage of gunfire this summer? Why not try the good old fashioned outdoorsy fun of squirt guns? Squirt guns are great, and they are clinically proven to be at least twice as safe as shooting each other with real guns! Forget … Continue reading Squirt Guns: Twice the Fun, Half the Killing
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Hollywood Actress Accuses Jesus of Sexual Misconduct
A no named Hollywood actress has come forth and levied allegations against Jesus Christ for sexual misconduct. Now, before we get into this, I’d like to say that I’ve known Jesus for quite a long time. We were roommates in college and he was always a straight shooting guy to me. Yeah, he drank a … Continue reading Hollywood Actress Accuses Jesus of Sexual Misconduct
What I Learned from the Teenager I Locked in My Basement
Conventional wisdom typically conjures the notion that psychopathic middle-aged perverts lack the ability to learn new things, especially from younger generations. Before descending into madness I became a crotchety old man at the ripe age of 38. I found myself uttering things like "these damn kids these days", "we didn't do that shit when we … Continue reading What I Learned from the Teenager I Locked in My Basement
